Having played the game for 45 years, I’ve seen fellow golfers make a mess of all sorts of situations – one good friend even managed to soil himself on the second hole of a 36-hole day.
A lot can go wrong – see these indisputable golfing truths – in the space of a golf swing and on many occasions it has. One thing I do pride myself in is playing most of my golf with characters who have it in them to produce something extraordinarily bad.
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Up and down for a four
What makes this even more memorable is that it wasn’t me. There are few people on this planet who I can say, without any doubt, have a worse short game than me.
This person shall remain nameless (his names is James) and he is absolutely horrific around the greens. He used to be OK but, by the time that he’d returned from university at St Andrews and its tight links turf, he was a shambles of a chipper.
If I recognise anything in a fellow golfer it is the fear of chipping and the blind terror that a shot of 10-40 yards presents is never more evident than when James gets a wedge in his hands.
One time he arrived for a Sunday afternoon 18 and very boldly announced that he had got over his concerns due to a lesson of all lessons that imparted numerous short-game tips.
The first hole passed without incident after locating the green, at the next he chipped out (quite well) from behind a tree to leave a shortish pitch in. Eight years, and a lot of knifes and fats later, this was the moment he could begin to put this sorry chapter of his life to bed.
The first shot didn’t move the ball, nor any turf. There was a quick look around the rest of the four-ball to confirm what we had all just seen before, moments later, he laid a massive divot over his ball. The prospect in his head of making a gritty four had turned into the possibility that he might never make contact with the ball again. Needless to say the next screamed through the back of the green. Fifteen years later he still can’t chip.
The unpopular member
Growing up there is always one member who makes life for any junior golfer fairly miserable. My junior days were spent at Wimbledon Park, which was full of some of the greatest people I’ve ever met. It made for some of the funniest and most memorable of times and summers would fly by…
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