To give this book its full title: “A Partridge on a Par Three – The Unexpurgated Golf Letters of Mortimer Merriweather” gives more of a clue about what to expect when opening this all new, singing and dancing edition of the book, featuring extra content. It’s a series of rather hilarious missives penned by the fictional character Mortimer Merriweather to an extraordinarily diverse selection of recipients.
Meriweather is the playing partner (but I think it’s not too much of a spoiler to say creation) of golf writer Clive Agran. A previous recipient of the ‘St Andrews Festival Golf Humour Award’ Clive has been scribing on our glorious sport for an undisclosed number of years – safe to say – more than me.
Mortimer also has a long association with the grand old game having played for some 60 years (to an exceedingly poor standard). But during that time, he has forged some strong opinions and ideas on the sport, and he enjoys nothing more than expressing those in predictably old-fashioned style – by good old snail mail.
A Partridge on a Par Three delivers the full (we assume full) collation of Mortimer’s letters, sent to everyone from The Pope to DJ Spoony. We start with a letter, that gives the book it’s title, addressed to the British Trust for Ornithology. It suggests some more interesting (bird-related) nomenclature for golf scoring. Mortimer believes that bogey isn’t a very nice term and offers “partridge” as an alternative… Not only because “tridge” is a “little more than par” but also because if making a four on a par-three, players can say they’ve had: “a partridge on a par three.”
We go through the “somewhat offensive” section with letters to the Scottish Tourist board asking if “there are any decent courses up there?” And to Jimmy Tarbuck asking if he would put his name to a new highly lofted club Mortimer has designed so he can call it the “Tarby Tosser.”
There’s a “Highly Controversial” section which I think best to leave to the reader to enjoy without too much further…
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